31 Days Through Stale Grief

Hi, remember me? I used to blog occasionally...then I didn't...then I did...then I didn't...you get the idea. I have been in a deep cavern for a long time, but am finally finding my way out to the daylight. Starting today, October 1, I am partaking in a 31-day challenge to write...ANYTHING! So I am going to do my BEST to rise to the call. 

It may not be good. 

It may not be edited. 

It may not make sense. 

But I am choosing to write. 

So I apologize in advance for dangling participles (what are those really...cause if they are like dangling earrings, I like them). I repent for unclear modifiers (I don't like modifying anyways. Except exercise. I like modifying exercise). Bare with me while I remember how to do this gift that God granted me, but has been sitting on a shelf. According to the rules, I have to write SOMETHING everyday for 31 days, so it may be short. Or it may not even make it to the blog and the masses of readers I have accumulated. Stop laughing. 

Just to be clear - I HAVE been writing, but it has all been in my private, locked away journal. This has been an intense year for many reasons. The Lord has taken me through a journey since January that has blown my insides out, my outsides in, and has granted me a fresh perspective. Now that the dust is settling, I am feeling life again. I am actually feeling LIFE!

The title above "31 Days Through Stale Grief" is just that. A journey to find out what was at the core of a functional depression that I couldn't shake. It wasn't a lack of exercise (I taught fitness 6 hours a week), it wasn't what I was eating, it wasn't that I needed medication. This was different. When I finally was ready to face the answer, I posed the question to the Lord, "What is going on?! Why can't I shake this?" His answer was so surprising to me. He said, "You have stale grief."

That's it. That is all He said.

He didn't say how to take care of it. He didn't give me a road map. He didn't give me a 4-part plan. He didn't even define what that really meant. So I did what any woman in touch with her feelings would do. I called my therapist. She was as surprised as I. She had never heard this term before; but as we unpacked some things, it started to make perfect sense.

Throughout my life, I had MANY earthquakes and shake ups. (Read previous blog posts for a few). When you have several traumatic events one after another, your grief cycle gets interrupted because you have to start processing a new hurt, heartache, trauma or transition. All these things take time to process to the human heart and often times, grieving is a part of that process. When it gets interrupted, that trauma can silently sink into a cavern in your soul and take up residence.

Eventually, it will start to stink.

That stink is often in the form of functional depression.

So, for my myriad of avid readers and fans (really, stop laughing), that is where I have been. And this 31 days of posts will show you how the Lord and I climbed out of the stale cavern called grief and found life once again.