The Orphan Heart

A few months ago I was privileged to take part in a spiritual deep healing retreat. I’d been to the retreat before and went as a spiritual “tune up” following a painful and challenging season. I really didn’t expect to get anything in particular out of it. It was just, you know…a tune up.

The tears started as they described the Orphan Heart. According to the retreat leader those with an orphan heart believe they are alone and do not belong. They believe they have to take care of themselves and their survival depends on their own efforts. ¹

The tears didn’t make sense to me as I never considered myself an orphan nor did I ever really believe I was alone. Apparently the Holy Spirit knows otherwise.

It all started with Adam and Eve. They abandoned God through their disobedience. They were afraid, were shamed because of their nakedness, and took control of their circumstances by hiding. They truly believed, because of their sin, they were without any help or support and had to take care of themselves.

Sound familiar?

Those with an orphan heart believe their survival depends on his or her own efforts, they don’t need anyone, and that it is not safe to be submitted to another. I still didn’t see where a wound came into my heart until they said ‘it wasn’t safe to be submitted to another.”

I’d been submitted to a father who molested me. I’d been submitted to a husband that lied. I’d been submitted to church leadership who told me there was nothing they could do to help me and that I had to be submitted and obedient to a husband who led a deceitful lifestyle.

The wringing began deep in my spirit and like a water-soaked towel, the Holy Spirit gently wrung out all the pain, fear, loneliness and even independence upon self - and the tears flowed.

How many of us are trapped by the enemy with this thinking? Trapped by a bondage that is so deep and engrained they can’t see that we are created to love, bond, and need one another and that WE ARE ACCEPTED just as we are.

Those with an orphan heart:

·         See God as a Master, not as a Father.

·         Feel like an outsider, not belonging to a family.

·         Strive to be accepted by others or a people pleaser, rather than just resting in their Abba’s arms.

·         Believe they have to earn God’s favor, rather than just delight in pleasing Him.

·         “Must” be pure and holy to have His approval, instead of wanting to be these things for Him.

·         Look to counterfeit sources (i.e. addictions or escapism) rather than find comfort in an Abba’s love and presence.

…and so many more.

Today, I lost a man whom I was privileged to call Dad for 25 years. He was the only healthy father I knew and he had a great impact on my life and gave my children an amazing spiritual legacy. All those orphan feelings rose again, but I had to remind myself:  It is written, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, “Abba Father.” Romans 8:15

We are no longer orphans. We are sons and daughters of the most high – and we need to remind the enemy of this.

¹Taken from The Cleansing Stream Retreat booklet.