And then many would be offended… Matthew 24:10
I have had many opportunities to be offended in
my 51 years: husband, friends, co-workers, bosses, even my parents! Throughout
all, I’ve been able to work through my offense – some easier than others – and
get back on the road of life merrily on my way.
Yet, unknowing, I have spent the last eighteen
years wandering in an erred spiritual desert. Eighteen long years of shuffling
my spiritual, dusty feet looking for my lost destiny. Those who know me well,
know I have lost many ministry dreams due to another’s decisions.
My heart bled with each loss and I had to work
through the pain of my partner’s betrayals, loss of friendships, and loss of
dreams. Each time I had to walk the well-traveled path of forgiveness for the
offenses, then wait and pray for another dream, another opportunity to serve.
I learned and grew so much during these refining
times - until “that day.” I don’t even know what day it was; but something deep
died one day and it’s been dead ever since.
On the outside all looked healed, but in my
spirit something – a ubiquitous dark place – took up shop unnoticed.
Offense.
Not with a friend, partner, ministry or church,
not with family or a co-worker.
I was offended with Jesus.
To the broken heart of a little girl, my Savior,
Healer, Father, and Protector did not pick up a sword and fight for my destiny.
In this little girl’s heart, she was left bleeding and bruised on the side of
the road blaming everyone involved – yet nursing the smallest seed of thought,
“Where was my Jesus when I lost my
dream? Where was Jesus when I lost my
friends? Where was Jesus when His church ignored me because of their offense with my partner’s sin?”
He was standing next to me weeping.
Yet I couldn't feel or see it through my
slow-growing, permeating cancerous cell of offense. It took Him eighteen years
to open my eyes and heart to the truth. The church, ministry, ex-husband, or
Jesus was not responsible for my eighteen-year desert wandering.
I was.
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