My one constant prayer during this journey is, “Jesus, help me see Truth in all this.” That is a big prayer. I guess I didn’t say which truth, did I. In His infinite grace and faithfulness, He uncovered truth in my marriage, and to my surprise…truth in me.
I truly want to understand where my enemy weeps. Perhaps that will help me understand why the “enemy” chooses to wound.
Will that change his character?
No.
Will it change my decision?
No.
My understanding and planting seeds of compassion and mercy doesn’t change my enemy; however it does change me.
Whatever happened to compassion and mercy in the church? Oh we have plenty for the world, but what of it amongst ourselves? When does the “Pharisee” malignancy start? Perhaps it is a form of religious dementia. We forget where we came from and the pit He pulled us out of.
Most pastoral counseling I received on this journey has been “Be submitted and obedient. God blesses these.” The other very annoying counsel was, “Sometimes marriage is just a sacrifice.” I sacrificed and died to my flesh more times than I can count. Did it change my marriage? I’m not real sure. I know it changed me. I know that one day, if God wills, I remarry, I will be a much better wife and life partner because I’ve learned from this.
Marriage is a road riddled with sacrifice – kind of like a well-traveled highway. Some sacrifices are small and barely noticeable in the matrimonial pavement; like giving a kind word instead of a snide remark, or ignoring a criticism knowing your spouse is under stress. Other sacrifices are potholes so big we lose ourselves, like in an affair, financial infidelity, or abandonment.
No matter how big or small, all sacrifices have one thing in common. Something has to die. By bonfire or a knife in the heart, death is the main ingredient.
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You are on a long and painful journey. But your freedom from the bondage of others expectations, is definitely worth it.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe God ever wants us to sacrifice for marriage. A person, most definitely, an "institution" or "covenant", no. Jesus himself said in Matt. 12; If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' [fn] you would not have condemned the innocent, that God desires to be merciful to us, not to see us sacrificing to what isn't Him. Like you said, anything that is sacrificed involves death. If we die on the altar of marriage, what is left to give in that marriage? Our life is all about Love and forgiveness. That includes yourself.
Hi, just happened to surf on to your blog- best of luck with this whole divorce/reimagining process, sounds like you are approaching it with a great deal of thoughtfulness and honesty. Sorry you lost your Father Tom, hope you can still hear his message of love and acceptance.
ReplyDeleteMary
Thank you, Mary. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Yes, I definitely still hear my "Father Tom's" gentle voice. I just wish I could sense his gentle hugs...but one day I will.
ReplyDelete