Here’s a riddle: What do the wilderness, a red
shirt, and a cave have in common?
At first glance very little; however, to a
wilderness wanderer, quite a bit.
After spending 18 years drifting in a spiritual
and emotional desert, I found a lovely cave to nest in. Dark, warm, and safe,
my emotional and spiritual cave became a recovery zone of sorts. It gave me a
beautiful solitude and territorial solidarity to serve as my rehab center. Safe
from prying eyes and probing legalistic religiosity, I learned of and leaned into a deep, precious sense of the
unmerited, unwavering grace of my Abba.
But even rehab needs to end. Most people are
anxious to get out of rehab. I guess I’m not most people. I knew what awaited
me outside – more dusty, erred wilderness. Yet in His infinite wisdom my Lord
knew what would get me back on the road out of my wasteland.
Forgiving Him.
I have been in the church long enough to have been
the perpetrator and the victim of someone Bible thumping the message of
forgiveness:
“”If you don’t…God won’t forgive you.”
“If you don’t…you could lose your salvation.”
“If you don’t…”
But even though the Lord knew I needed to forgive
Him for, in my mind, abandoning me, do you know how He handled it?
He waited with open arms.
He didn’t thump His Word. He didn’t point a
finger. He didn’t lament with stern expressions. He waited with open arms. And
so a few weeks ago, I ran into His arms with abandon and found myself on the
very short path out of my wasteland.
In football there is a term known as a “red shirt.”
Players that wore the red shirt were a part of the team; however, due to injury
or illness, were forced to sit out during convalescing. The red shirt was a
sign to others that this player is still a valued member of the team; however,
they needed to be out a season to heal.
