Whose Eyes do You Use?

There are so many things we grieve without realizing we are grieving. Maybe that is why my grief went undetected for so long. The next cavern the Lord brought to light took me by surprise, yet it really was at the core of so much self-perception. It was time to flush out the stale grieving of my self-worth.

Truth be told, this has taken me months to work through and the Lord and I just recently finished this “therapy session.”

As with all good co-dependents, self-worth is intrinsically knitted to how others see and treat us. It is connected to how we feel honored/dishonored or valued/devalued by others. True to my own humanity, I superimposed these things onto how I thought God saw me.

No wonder I was so messed up!

Humans make conscious decisions every day to honor or dishonor through word or action and when we superimpose other’s actions onto our very loving Heavenly Father, it grieves His heart. In reality, all of us start as broken pieces trying to find where we fit. Broken pieces cannot give complete, accurate composites of anything! Even in the light of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, my myopic view of my self-worth was just as fractured and broken as the people whose eyes I was looking through.

This was not going to heal until I got my eyes off man and my eyes focused on HIS view of me. During all the years I’ve spent in prayer and worship, I always pictured myself leaning on Jesus’ chest for a hug or crawling onto my Abba’s lap. I never, NEVER looked into the eyes of my Jesus within my heart-imagination. 

Perhaps I was afraid because I thought I would see my mother’s perfectionism, or my dad’s alcohol-laden stare. Yet, how could I know how Jesus sees me…really SEES me, unless I look into His eyes and see His love for me reflected there. It took courage, why, I still am not sure. Perhaps it is because you truly share heart-intimacy when you look upon your love’s countenance when they gaze into your eyes.

But I chose that day to look upon His face. And it changed my life forever.

Do You Know Your Value?

Most of us who call Christ Lord would quickly answer, “It is in what Christ did for me on the cross.” Or “I am a jewel in the Lord’s heart.”

That is what I thought of myself until a few simple words were uttered to me recently that shook my self-worth. They weren't meant to do so by the word-giver, but these simple words hit their mark in my soul and my value – in my mind – took a step down. Why?

Did I not know what Christ feels about me? My friends? Family? Of course I did. However, I still gave these innocent words power to tear down years of labor in my “worth” garden. By allowing those simple, innocent words power over me, I took my value out of Christ’s hands and put it in another’s.

But they were just words!

The Bible tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Words have power to build or power to tear down. Words – once absorbed – had power to send me into an emotional vacuum for about 72 yours.

Words don’t determine our worth. Jesus does. Words don’t give us value. Jesus does.

Once I shook my emotional self by the scruff and smoothed my fir, I was able to put my value back where it belonged; right under Christ’s watchful gaze.

I have a saying posted at my desk; “He has no ambition to make you normal. The more your identity is rooted in God’s value for you, the less you are controlled and limited by what others think of you.” The Barbarian Way, Erwin McManus.

There’s the key. The Cross is not only our foundation – it is the guidepost to our value. I momentarily rooted my significance and identity in humanity’s words – not His.

Do you know what you are worth? Do you know your value to the Lover of your soul? If not, press into his heart beat and His Word because His Words bring life and value.