Your Image of God – Is it an Illusion?

The God of my imagination is so small and finite.

I’ve spent too many years with the “God give me…Grant me…Bless me” relationship with my Beloved. How have I imagined HIM?

·         A task master unhappy with me if I don’t measure up.

·         The areas of darkness in me displease Him.

·         The same grace a new believer gets for their immature sanctification is not available to me.

·         The phrase “I should know better”, drums in my head following a fleshly or selfish thought for misdeed.

I imagine God drumming His fingers on throne’s armrest waiting for me to grow up.

For the last four decades, I’ve been led to believe that “feelings are not to be trusted”, or “You don’t really feel that way, do you?” as if my feelings are tainted, jaded, or just plain wrong.

After three years of therapy it is liberating to conclude that this is untrue! How glorious and liberating to be able to name and FEEL emotions!

When we deny our feelings year after year we become less and less human. I became a slave. A slave to other’s opinions, feelings, approval or disapproval because I was under the impression feelings should be placed under my feet and trampled; or better yet, just ignore them.

It is hard for me to imagine the Lord angry, happy, joyful, sorrowful, etc. I’ve always had “stern” as the emotional descriptive.

Brennan Manning summarizes the Love of God so beautifully:

“It is always true to some extent that we make our images of God. It is even truer that our image of God makes us. Eventually we become like the God we imagine. One of the most beautiful fruits of knowing the God of Jesus is a compassionate attitude towards ourselves…This is why Scripture attaches such importance to knowing God. Healing our image of God heals our image of ourselves.” Lion and Lamb: The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus.

Oh Jesus, show us who you really are…not who we made you to be.

Boundaries and Bridges

This has been a brutal two weeks for me. I lost the man I called dad for 25 years. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed his spiritual and fatherly influence in my life over the last four years until he was no longer here. I hadn’t spoken to him since before my divorce was final - we had both built a boundary of pain and grief around our hearts.

A month ago, that boundary was torn down by a chance FaceTime chat between my daughter, son and I. My daughter was visiting her grandparents and she put them on the screen. It was awkward at first - kind of like trying to remember how to speak a language you hadn’t spoken in a long time. Eventually words came, and it was as if bricks of time and pain didn’t exist.  I had the gift of moments’ with him to tell him I missed him, loved him, and prayed for him.

That was the last time I spoke to him. The last time I got to share my love for him. Our boundary was torn down and a bridge was built. Pain and tears was the wood and nails, but the bridge was finished and I am so grateful. He had ceased to be my father-in-law, but became my father-in-heart instead.  

During the myriad of family plans and funeral arrangements, I had another ‘gift of moments’ to talk to my former husband on the phone and express my grief and pain at our mutual loss. After four long years, we were on common ground with shared pain. The Lord birthed a sweet Agape-covenant-love with him during those conversations. There was no pain from decades of heartache. No anger, no hostility; only sweet Christ-centered, compassion, love and care for the man who’d granted me two of the greatest gifts I’d ever received - our children.

That was when I knew a perfect miracle had happened. When I could look past decades-old heartache, anger, betrayal, and pain and all I saw was love, care, compassion. There was a genuine desire to be an ambassador of healing and encouragement.

God is good.

At the same time in unrelated circumstances, I also had the opportunity to build a healthy boundary for my heart. Using pain and shed tears I had to build a boundary between myself and another – not because of betrayal, anger, or offense – but out of self-honor and self-love.

Boundaries and Bridges - both built with pain and tears. Boundaries provide safety. Bridges provide a path for reconciliation. 

Pain, tears, words, and time are worthy tools in the Master’s Hands.