You know that feeling when you need to undo a zipper and you
can’t reach it? Twisting, turning,
pretzeling your arms isn’t producing the
desired result. That’s what this piece of grave clothing felt like. I couldn’t
quite put my finger on it to take it off. I couldn’t even find the words in
prayer to point to.
I knew there was something else buried, I just couldn’t make
it out in the cavernous reaches of my soul. I went through my mental check list
of things I’d grieved through but maybe didn’t finish. One by one my fingers
tapped on an invisible memory. Nope…it wasn’t connecting.
Then, the Holy Spirit gave me a mental picture of Charlie
Brown and Lucy and the infamous football gag. I laughed thinking, “The Lord
uses Peanuts to get His point across. This is new revelation.” Then the meaning
of the mental cartoon took my breath away.
I didn’t trust Him.
HIM! The maker of
the universe, King of all Kings, my Abba, my Beloved.
I didn’t trust HIM.
He showed me that in all the moments of grieving lost dreams
- after I had forgiven all others connected to the loss - I still superimposed
HIS countenance on Lucy and I was Charlie Brown. My hopes and dreams didn’t
feel safe in His hands anymore. Somewhere in this deep cavern a little girl expected
her Daddy to protect her dreams and destiny from death. She expected Daddy to
protect her castle on a hill.
When the castle burned to the ground, she never fully
grieved the loss of perfect trust in a perfect Daddy.
When dreams and hopes are pulled away as you race to launch
them and you fall on your back looking at the sky, you stop trusting the one
holding the promises.
And on a REALLY bad day a bird flies overhead and poops on
you.
“And
those who know your name will put their trust in You;
For you, Oh Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Ps 9:10
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