I didn’t realize these offended thoughts toward
my Lord - seeds as it were – could find fertile soil within the barren arid
ground of my spirit. But they did. Offended thought-seeds can germinate
anywhere, especially when the enemy waters and fertilizes it with verbiage from
his bag of tricks.
These offense seeds are like cancer cells are
to our body. They start small and replicate when the environment is out of
alignment. Pretty soon illness takes over, but because the malignant seeds are
well-hidden from view by this point, you can’t see the forest from the trees.
For 18 years I didn’t see where the originating offense came from because I
was too busy blaming everyone or everything else.
Since this divine revelation of my offense with
the One that died for me, I’ve asked Him and myself, “Why did it take me 18
years to get it?” Am I that dense?
The Lord brought me to a devotional from Oswald
Chambers that put it in perspective:
Our Lord does not hide these things; they are unbearable
until we get into a fit condition of spiritual life. There must be communion
with His risen life before a particular word can be borne by us.” *
I have been communing more with my naval than His
risen life. My hurt, pain, and betrayal were far more palpable than who Jesus
was in my circumstances. How sad. I have spent the better part of 38 years
walking with the Lord, but not connecting with who He is. My only measuring stick was what He’d done for me – but that
was not enough to keep offense from multiplying and dividing like an insidious diseased cell.
The cry of my heart now is the see Him; the kind of seeing as when you
can’t take your eyes off the object of your affections. The kind of seeing and
knowing that sees past the “doing”, past the flesh and soul.
The kind that sees His heart.
*My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers
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