The Orphan Heart

A few months ago I was privileged to take part in a spiritual deep healing retreat. I’d been to the retreat before and went as a spiritual “tune up” following a painful and challenging season. I really didn’t expect to get anything in particular out of it. It was just, you know…a tune up.

The tears started as they described the Orphan Heart. According to the retreat leader those with an orphan heart believe they are alone and do not belong. They believe they have to take care of themselves and their survival depends on their own efforts. ¹

The tears didn’t make sense to me as I never considered myself an orphan nor did I ever really believe I was alone. Apparently the Holy Spirit knows otherwise.

It all started with Adam and Eve. They abandoned God through their disobedience. They were afraid, were shamed because of their nakedness, and took control of their circumstances by hiding. They truly believed, because of their sin, they were without any help or support and had to take care of themselves.

Sound familiar?

Those with an orphan heart believe their survival depends on his or her own efforts, they don’t need anyone, and that it is not safe to be submitted to another. I still didn’t see where a wound came into my heart until they said ‘it wasn’t safe to be submitted to another.”

I’d been submitted to a father who molested me. I’d been submitted to a husband that lied. I’d been submitted to church leadership who told me there was nothing they could do to help me and that I had to be submitted and obedient to a husband who led a deceitful lifestyle.

The wringing began deep in my spirit and like a water-soaked towel, the Holy Spirit gently wrung out all the pain, fear, loneliness and even independence upon self - and the tears flowed.

How many of us are trapped by the enemy with this thinking? Trapped by a bondage that is so deep and engrained they can’t see that we are created to love, bond, and need one another and that WE ARE ACCEPTED just as we are.

Those with an orphan heart:

·         See God as a Master, not as a Father.

·         Feel like an outsider, not belonging to a family.

·         Strive to be accepted by others or a people pleaser, rather than just resting in their Abba’s arms.

·         Believe they have to earn God’s favor, rather than just delight in pleasing Him.

·         “Must” be pure and holy to have His approval, instead of wanting to be these things for Him.

·         Look to counterfeit sources (i.e. addictions or escapism) rather than find comfort in an Abba’s love and presence.

…and so many more.

Today, I lost a man whom I was privileged to call Dad for 25 years. He was the only healthy father I knew and he had a great impact on my life and gave my children an amazing spiritual legacy. All those orphan feelings rose again, but I had to remind myself:  It is written, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, “Abba Father.” Romans 8:15

We are no longer orphans. We are sons and daughters of the most high – and we need to remind the enemy of this.

¹Taken from The Cleansing Stream Retreat booklet. 

What is in a Name?

Throughout the last decade and a half the Lord has littered my journey with Him with nuggets of teaching about names and why He changes them. Have you ever noticed that? One minute we are reading about Abram, then the next Abraham. Jacob was renamed Israel.

Did you ever wonder why?

I went through two major times of internal healing –the first was from sexual abuse with my dad; the second, a separation and divorce.  On each occasion the Lord told me, “I will change your name, daughter.” When I asked Him why, He reminded me that throughout my growing up years I was embarrassed to be known as my father’s daughter because of his behavior in public while intoxicated. I would cringe inside when people said,” You are Jack’s daughter.”  When I confirmed yes, I saw the look in their eye. I saw the looks behind my father’s back when he, in a drunken stupor, would be belligerent or lascivious to  friends. I quickly learned that being his daughter was something to be ashamed of.

So when my Abba told me He was changing my name, I was excited, but I didn’t understand what that meant. Then he brought me to Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestled with God and He changed his name to Israel. The Lord said…

“But he had to wrestle for it.”

Oh. Well that didn’t sound as inviting as before. Couldn’t I just get some sort of spiritual birth certificate? What about a Christening party…I liked parties.

Nope. Wrestling.

“But Lord,” I whined, “I don’t know how to wrestle!”

He showed me.

Like Jacob, I had to give up my right to fear, vengeance, hurt, and betrayal just to name a few. In other words, I had to give up my right to my past. You can’t take a new name into a new future with the past hanging on to you like an albatross.

The Israelites had it right. They understood the power behind a name. They knew that a name was an actual spiritual blessing and it meant there was power imparted through a God-given name. Some even believed that names influenced the thoughts and beliefs about themselves and that the name prophesied characteristics or roles they would play in history. ¹

I thought once I had my new name that was “it”, that I’d arrived. That was when the Great Name Giver showed me that, in order to pass through the wilderness into your promised land, you have many wrestling’s and many name changes along the way. Every time you have a major shift or transition in your life’s journey, He may take you through a season of wrestling for a new name.

I’ve grown to like wrestling. Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard. It hurts. I have likened it to peeling off skin over an exposed bone.

Kind of like shedding…only deeper.

I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid

I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks My face

Eden’s Bridge

¹ http://www.gotquestions.org/name-change.ht